Attempts at Adjustment, Take One

The Struggles of Adjusting

    Two weeks ago today was Brandon's, Ella's and my very first day setting foot in this drizzly yet gorgeous country!  It has been much much MUCH harder than Brandon or I anticipated.  My anxiety spiked about days 5 and 6, when I realized that I couldn't clean 100% of the pet hair off the floor of our apartment.  I was ready to go home.  I was ready to be able to walk down the street and actually read signs again.  I was ready to leave the house and know exactly where I was going, how to get there, and how to orient myself directionally along the way (yes, I lived in Utah long enough that I miss being able to know where the cardinal directions point at all times. However, since I did actually live in places before where that was not possible, this particular learning curve has been worse for Brandon than it has been for me 😉). 

    I think one of the hardest parts of this adjustment has been the isolation.  The language barrier, especially for all things in writing, has added to this feeling of being alone.  So has our semi-self quarantine for the first 10-14 days due to the Covid-19 pandemic.  We often hear our neighbors opening and closing their doors from inside our own apartment, but we never ever see them.  Not once have we run into another tenant of this building.  It's eerie to walk down the hallways and not be able to see or hear anyone else.  But I would probably be just as scared to meet with one of them, and to apologize for Ella's screaming at 3AM with jetlag for the first week or so.  I'm also afraid to meet the tenants of 223-209, who's assigned bike rack spot I accidentally stole for a day and a night... I hadn't realized how much overcoming my social anxiety back in the States had been due to gaining confidence in my roles and responsibilities.  Now that I have no idea what my roles and responsibilities are or will be, my anxiety has jumped right back up to the forefront of my brain.  I'll just have to work on figuring things out, and then I'm sure it will ebb again. 

    Another difficulty that adds to my feeling of isolation, is that our specific journey is so different form others who have moved and lived abroad.  Let me try to explain each factor that makes this move feel different to me than any other situation.  Brandon and I had never really traveled outside of the US before, and had certainly never lived outside the US before.  We have a toddler who isn't even two yet, and who is so social that being without a playmate for even a day shows in her behavior.  Brandon is attending a difficult graduate program that has been moved completely online, and that he had to start attending before we could even move here.  Thus, he's had almost no time to adjust and to help get us settled, because he's been trying to stay caught up in his studies. On top of all that, we made this move in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic, and so have had to try and stay updated on the ever changing rules and regulations of this new place we now live in. All of these factors together have made this change especially difficult and lonely.    

    But let's not leave it on that depressing note!  We're still making it through! One day, one class, one grocery run, one prayer, one blessing at a time.  We've been able to work together and rely on each other more than we ever had before in our marriage, which has been a beautiful experience!  And we are growing to be more and more grateful for this opportunity to live in and learn from a new country and culture every day!  I have felt so much better since Brandon was able to administer a priesthood blessing* to me a couple days ago.  In that blessing, I was promised by my Heavenly Father that I would be granted the strength to make it through, and that I would develop so much from this experience.  The comforting words helped to restore my excitement for this adventure and to alleviate my anxieties about it at the same time.  Things are going to work out ok.  Better than ok even, things are going to be amazing! 

*A priesthood blessing is a special service that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who have been ordained with the priesthood (God's authority to act in His name on Earth) can perform for each other.  My husband, Brandon, has been ordained with this priesthood power and thus can administer blessings of comfort or healing to me, my daughter, and to anyone else who asks it of him. The words of the blessing come into his mind through the Spirit from our Heavenly Father.  In this way, God can bless us with words of peace and comfort for specific trials, changes, or needs in our lives.  Feel free to email me with any questions regarding this topic!